do you need to be sad to create? if life is good, is anything worth painting/drawing/writing? do you have time? or inclination? can you create a feeling, make it worthwhile for others to look at/read/listen to/experience your art?
Am i the only one who can't create when they're up? But the more depressed I am, the more art I make, and the better it is.

i hate the internet

I typed out a long post about the walk i just took, and the hallucination i had and the golf course, but the internet ate it.
My stomach hurts.
I'm still whiny and emo
I am going to paint and watch phantom of the opera.

Wonderful

I've been feeling it coming on at least since the fire show. I've been refusing to let it win, but soon, I can feel that it will kick my ass. Back to the depression and angst. I hate it but its so hard to keep it off.
At least it's apt, tomorrow is Yom Kippur, and so I will be more than ready to sit around feeling emo and guilty. On that note: I forgot to ask forgiveness of all the people I've wronged this year. Fuck, there are a lot of you. Look, I'm a bitch and I'm sorry, ok? Maybe I'll send a massive spam email to everyone I know to apologize. The problem is, if I am completely honest about things like resenting the hell out of Dakota for already being better than me, or whatever, I think the apology will just start drama. I'm usually pretty up front about things that bother me, and I really try to go out of my way to be as nice as possible as much as possible, but my nature is to be a bitch. And I'm too tired and angsty for drama right now. I
ts an interesting concept having to apologize to people you've wronged, but ir seems like it would mostly create more problems. If you have to apologize to someone you work with for hating them and gossiping about them, then they'll know that you hate them. Or can you just say "hi. it's erev yom kippur, I'd like to apologize for anything I may have done to you this year." I'm not even clear on what exactly you have to apologize for, if thinking is enough or negative comments, or does it have to be actions. Not that it matters to me, I still need to apologize for a shit ton of stuff regardless of what the criteria are.
Speaking of things I'm sorry about, I nearly killed Stacey today. I feel really awful about it. I dropped her on her head balancing and she hurt her neck.... I really hope she's ok.
Alright, I'll stop spewing my emo-ness all over the internet now. I'm going to eat dinner and watch House for a while then go to work.

You need a lotta love and compliance

So I have Ani DiFranco's Freakshow stuck in my head. Apt in so many ways right now. Circus obsessed and emo, all at once. I want to be anti-social and then snuggle. But alas, it is not to be.
My keyboard is being dumb (esp. the A key), and I have Econ shit to read, so this will be a short filler post until I have time for a full recap of Wildfire.
Wildfire was cold, wet, and awesome!
I am totally exhausted. Everything hurts. But at least I've showered now.
My midterm was less horrific than I feared. Apparently, I really don't need to do any work. Ever. Yeah, until my grades come back.
Ice cream is delicious, and I want some. And a coke. Then reading and bed.

All over the place

Just got back from Rosh Hashanah at home... its nice to see my family, but I was really too tired for the whole big meal with grandparents friends bit.
My hair is green. I don't like it nearly as much as the purple. Sad.
Sarah Palin makes me cry. Mom and I think Angelina Jolie would be a much better VP. Same baby-toting photo-ops, more racial diversity. More foreign policy/diplomatic experience (works for a human rights org). Probably more assistants to manage than there are people in a 9000 person Alaska town. Better fashion sense. Better looking. More experience with the press. Better acting skills. Comes with a better first dude. Seriously, if we're going to pick someone just because they're a woman who looks good and knows how to fire a gun, I want to pick someone who comes with a cute man who looks good in a tux. Huzzah for equal opportunity objectification.
I really want to do some art, but I keep getting distracted.
I really want to sleep more, but I want the end of Step Up 2 to load first.
I'm going to be Harley Quinn for Halloween, I just ordered all the bits of my costume. Yay!
I need to do a serious amount of HW but still don't care enought to bother... my first midterm is next Monday, then I have a presentation Thursday. Have I studied/prepared/read/done anything for these classes or my others? NO. HA. I'm fucked.
Wildfire is this weekend, I am excited but need to do some serious prep for that. Yeah, in my spare time.

Fell off the earth

Ok, I know I fell off the earth when I came back to school, but we were talking about Stacey's blog last night, so I thought I'd update. Finally.
So, world's shortest synopsis of my life:
VT- Shiva Rave was awesome!
Monkeys- Lots of new frosh. Yay! Unfortunately, stuff isn't going as well as I hoped. But my expectations were unreasonably high. I am so short on patience for this nonsense. Luckily, Ashlyn and Stacey and Christopher, an odd enough group, are keeping me sane-ish. The fire show turned out fine, I just didn't have a very good time. This weekend we had a party that was not what I needed at all.
I am suddenly super angsty and depressed again. Maybe I'll get some sleep and actually be able to enjoy Wildfire this weekend.
I am taking an awesome online class with Suzi Blu on mixed media painting but I have had almost no time to work on it.
I've also done no school work. I have a midterm in a week. This is going to bite me in the ass, isn't it.

TV and friends destroy productivity

I've been home for several weeks, and accomplished almost nothing. I keep getting sucked in to fun, which was good at first but now I'm like "crap, we're coming to the end of summer and I have all this stuff still to do!" yesterday I cleaned the basement (my studio)... I'd show pictures, but my camera has vanished. Lent it to mom, she swears she returned it, but I don't have it. I'll clean my room and see if it turns up. Anyway, got Wildfire tickets finally, SO EXCITED!
What art have I been up to? Very little- trying to learn Illustrator for this project I'm working on with my friends. I know exactly what I want, but the computer doesn't want to give it to me. My sewing is not going too well... I had an epic fail on the second purse attempt and the third one is on hold.... mom's sewing machine needs to go to the dr. I did one painting/collage the other day, can't show you pics because my camera is MIA. Its very yellow. not my normal color palette at all.
I haven't been doing much poi or contact juggling, which is sad, and I haven't done fire since June. I'm getting antsy.