Daymares

Sometimes, my mind wanders. And by the time I catch up, it's gone someplace awful. It's taken a stray thought and turned it into a full blown worst-case scenario. It's something mundane, and entirely possible, but totally sucky. And I can't unthink it, so I get all freaked out and paranoid. Plus, I often feel bad that the thought even occurred to me, because it often postulates someone I like doing something nasty to me and I don't like the idea that I subconsciously think actual bad things about my friends.
I dunno if this is something that happens to other people, but I've been having a lot of these recently. I'm not depressed or anything, just psyching myself out for no reason. It's mostly just interpersonal drama stuff that will never happen because my life isn't a tv show and normal people do not actual do or say the things that go on in these "dreams". They could, but only if they were crazy would they actually. I mean I suppose it's theoretically possible that the camping trip this weekend will turn into some weird "nobody likes me change who I am or lose my friends" ultimatum but I seriously doubt it. With the rational portion of my brain. The irrational portion is less convinced. Obviously, or why the hell else would my brain go there?
Imagination was less complicated when it played in fantasy worlds. If this happened in middle school, it would've been a giant fight with Batman and Wolverine beating the crap out of each other. Far less emotionally taxing.
On a substantially more positive note, I went to fire last night with some NY spinners. It was super fun, except for the enormous trek back and forth across Manhattan because we couldn't agree on where to spin. My feet were hurting by the end. This is the second Got Fire? I've been too, and I would now officially say- last time was not a fluke. I think I like these people. I think they might be convinced to like me too. Certainly, they seem appropriately strange, and didn't appear offended by my personality. Also, they're very chill despite being way better than I am... way way better. But I had a really good time anyway, and they were nice to me. Added bonus: they're pretty hilarious. Especially Andrew, who dances to his iphone while walking and found unworn white gogo boots in the trash. They fit Jasmine's tiny feet, so she has new boots!
Last weekend was still not dead yet day. Not the party I planned, but I had a good time going to MA with George, Foley, Amber and Ropke. Friday night we went to CT, played Tiki God, swam in the lake and stayed up more or less all night. This may not have been clever given that we got up at 9am to drive to Pittsfield where Amber and Ropke had lunch with her brother while George, Foley and I wandered. We found ice cream. Then we drove to Northampton for much needed naps and excellent burgers and the game of Life because we were too tired for anything more complicated. Sunday, George and I took a bus to Boston for his mom's birthday. Monday we went with his parents to the Adams National Historic Park. (Yes, a whole day of history and John Adams. No, they didn't drag us, I picked. My love for John Adams surpasses words. I was ecstatic. I know I'm a nerd.) All in all a very fun weekend, although perhaps a bit more sleep should have been scheduled. But really, why would I sleep in the car? I'd've missed the Dr. Horrible sing-along, which would have been sadface. On the other hand, I'd've also missed the half hour super repetitive humming song. That was painful. I think Ropke's brushing up on his torture techniques. Truly evil.
Other than that, it's been watching Buffy at an appalling rate and sending out a disgusting number of resumes with no responses. Very heartening.
This weekend is a camping trip. Telling myself that it'll be fun, not just sweaty and potentially drama-filled.
I've been making art all day but I don't feel like trying to do pictures now. Also, I figured someone might appreciate an actual update rather than just bad images of things I made. Also, I'm exhausted and trying for bed at a reasonable hour (that is, before the birds start). Also (third times the charm) I've done something painful to my back and my feet still hurt from my Manhattan hike, so I should rest before Saturday's real hike.

Get out of my head

Oh Elias, I see you there at work in the day time
Do you think you could answer all the questions in the world
In just one word - I think you could


if you die will I get word that you're gone
will I hear it in passing conversation
or will I stop short and fall to the ground
distance is short when your hand carries what your eye found
hold my hand just one more time
to see if you're really going to meet me
hold my hand just one more time
to see if you're really going to meet me