Still not dead yet!

Happy not-dead day to me....
1 Year Ago Today, I had a stroke. I feel like I should do something to celebrate, but instead, I'll do my Spanish HW.

Is it legit?

I always wonder, when I'm explaining that I had a stroke, is it fair? Can I really blame this problem or that one on it? I mean, yeah, I'm tired and my left leg hurts from wandering the city, but is that a post-stroke left side failure or a lazy bum failure? If I can't do a pull-up does that mean, the muscles in my left arm totally atrophied last year and aren't up to it yet or does it just mean I'm a weakling? If my Spanish class is too hard, is the problem the stroke or the material? Was my brain really that different a year ago? Has my recovery to date not been sufficient?
If you met me, you'd never guess that I was less than a year post-stroke. Ian knew me a little before, and he didn't even know it had happened, so apparently, if you knew me before and saw me know, you wouldn't know. But I know. I am constantly aware of all my defects, especially the ones i think are stroke related.
And I don't want to be defined by the stroke. And yet, there is a big part of me that wants to dedicate my life to helping others overcome this. And I keep using it to excuse my failings to others. But I feel guilty and torn about telling them. Why am I embarrassed? Not of the stroke, I don't care if people know that. I think because I feel like its a failure. I haven't recovered enough. I should work harder. I should be able to do everything, and if I can't, because of the stroke or any other reason, I feel bad.
I know it's dumb but it's true. I'm so tired.... maybe a nap and then my 10 bazillion hours of homework.