So I've been pretty depressed for a while. (gasp, shock, I know.) I basically can't remember what its like not to be either depressed or fighting depression. I admitted last night to Stacey and Danielle that I've been thinking about killing myself. It felt- not better precisely, but less? - to tell other people and not have to pretend it was ok.
So today I went to the counseling center and told them. Which I hadn't been doing because if you tell them you're suicidal you can't stay on campus. But what the hell, its not like anything here matters anyway. And now, I'm off to Four Winds Hospital. Fun. Maybe it'll help.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Shallow and Pathetic
I have lots of stuff to say, and tons of pictures to post. I haven't updated in ages, but I've been hording plenty of goodies.
But today, All I can say is:
I Hate My Hair!
Its purple, which has always fixed everything in the past. But yesterday Stacey cut it for me, and instead of "I dunno, my chin or a little shorter" Its the return of the mushroom cut only marginally more punk rock. Everyone else says its excellent. I hate the way it looks and feels and it keeps falling in my eyes. It is too short to tuck behind my ears, so while I no longer have bits on the back of my neck, the irritation has simply moved to my field of vision.
So I thought ok, I'll put it up. But no. Turns out when Stacey and Kate dyed it, they totally missed the underneath sections especially around my ears. So there are still several chunks that are my natural color. I can't put it up because I'd look like a spotted lunatic. Furthermore, it probably wouldn't stay up.
Ok. A real post later. As soon as I stop crying I'll go get dressed and try to put enough product in that it doesn't just sit in my face. I hate putting stuff in my hair, it always ends up feeling sticky and slimy and awful.
But today, All I can say is:
I Hate My Hair!
Its purple, which has always fixed everything in the past. But yesterday Stacey cut it for me, and instead of "I dunno, my chin or a little shorter" Its the return of the mushroom cut only marginally more punk rock. Everyone else says its excellent. I hate the way it looks and feels and it keeps falling in my eyes. It is too short to tuck behind my ears, so while I no longer have bits on the back of my neck, the irritation has simply moved to my field of vision.
So I thought ok, I'll put it up. But no. Turns out when Stacey and Kate dyed it, they totally missed the underneath sections especially around my ears. So there are still several chunks that are my natural color. I can't put it up because I'd look like a spotted lunatic. Furthermore, it probably wouldn't stay up.
Ok. A real post later. As soon as I stop crying I'll go get dressed and try to put enough product in that it doesn't just sit in my face. I hate putting stuff in my hair, it always ends up feeling sticky and slimy and awful.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Circus
For the Spring Fire Show Finale, we're using Circus (yeah, I know it's Britney. Bite me). Anyway, I've been reworking the original and the Diplo mix (better drum loops, breakdown, etc) into something we can use. I think I'm good with the way that it sounds, but there are a coupel spots where I'm not sure if its I've been listening too long, it sounds fine when there is a huge problem or I've been listening too long, it sounds slightly off when there is no problem.
Also, I still can't sleep so, yeah, fuck if I know if it sounds right. And oh god, as I'm listening, now I hear (having taken an hour or so off from it) several places that sound awful... fuck me, I've already sent it off to Matt and Christopher and Connor and Stacey. Maybe they'll be kind. Ha. I don't have the energy to reopen live and fight it more tonight.
https://vspace.vassar.edu/feminchin/public/
Let me know what you think?
Also, I still can't sleep so, yeah, fuck if I know if it sounds right. And oh god, as I'm listening, now I hear (having taken an hour or so off from it) several places that sound awful... fuck me, I've already sent it off to Matt and Christopher and Connor and Stacey. Maybe they'll be kind. Ha. I don't have the energy to reopen live and fight it more tonight.
https://vspace.vassar.edu/feminchin/public/
Let me know what you think?
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