Owl City - Tidal Wave

Sometimes it worries me. Really, itunes, you shouldn't know me this well. Someone somewhere is watching me, and sending me the perfect album for my current state of mind. And this is it. Seriously, I highly recommend getting this. Even if they do use Pachabel's Canon in D aka the damn 4 chords you can't escape. Alot. Fine, it's not the most brilliant pop music ever (and the fact that itunes says its electronica is more or less a huge lie. using a synth does not autmatically make it electronic). But its highly enjoyable. And how can you go wrong with lyrics like these?

I wish I could cross my arms, and cross your mind
Cause I believe you'd unfold your paper heart and wear it on your sleeve
All my life I wish I broke mirrors, instead of promises
Cause all I see, is a shattered conscience staring right back at me
I wish I had covered all my tracks completely cause I'm so afraid
Is that the light at the far end of the tunnel or just the train?
Lift your arms only heaven knows, where the danger grows
And it's safe to say there's a bright light up ahead and help is on the way
(Help is on the way, Help is on the way, Help is on the way...)

Help is on the way
I forget the last time I felt brave, I just recall insecurity
Cause it came down like a tidal wave, and sorrow swept over me

Depression, please cut to the chase and cut a long story short
Oh please be done. How much longer can this drama afford to run?
Fate looks sharp, severs all my ties and breaks whatever doesn't bend
But sadly then, all my heavy hopes just pull me back down again
(Back down again, back down again, back down again...)

I forget the last time I felt brave, I just recall insecurity
Cause it came down like a tidal wave, and sorrow swept over me
Then I was given grace and love, I was blind but now I can see
Cause I found a new hope from above, and courage swept over me

It hurts just to wake up, whenever you're wearing thin
Alone on the outside, so tired of looking in
The end is uncertain and I've never been so afraid
But I don't need a telescope to see that there's hope
And that makes me feel brave

Also, the new DJ Hero game. I saw the ad today for the first time. And I am saddened by the whole concept. It tells you what to do and when to do it? Yes, I understand that thats how Guitar Hero works, but when you play an instrument, you usually play the song as its written, at least at the beginning. If I wanted to play the song the way they wrote it, I'd hit play in itunes and walk away. Or if I wanted to play a straight-up remix, I'd do that. Yes, I understand this is not the point. But I find the whole idea of a DJ game where my goal is to follow instructions somewhat offensive. As far as I'm concerned, the whole idea of DJing is to respond to the crowd and get them to respond to you. I reaslize the game has no way to simulate that. Do you know what I could do with that $200? Much less the $200 for the system I'd need? I could practically buy Live 8! Or a really sweet mixer. Or speakers. And thats just DJ equipment. $400 is a hell of a lot of art supplies. Or even fire toys. And those are expensive.
Anyway: Owl City = Good. DJ Hero < Good. Crazy friends ? Good

So the drama!

Over the last week, there has been far, far too much drama in my life. And not the kind with tech crews and auditions. And I have run out of patience for it. In the next day or so, I'll be sending out the following email to, well, more or less everyone. I realize this may make things worse, but I refuse to keep pretending everything is ok, and hopefully, direct acknowledgment of the issues may make things better. The email:
Apparently, people have a lot of issues with me. I'm running out of time/energy/stationary to send everyone personalized engraved invitations to talk to me about it, so this is a general note to everyone:
1) I know I can be a bitch. It is usually intended kindly, but much of it can be based in a desire to make other people confront stuff they aren't ready for and to move in the direction of my idea of being a better person. This may be unreasonable, and if so, I apologize.
2) One of the things that apparently people have issues with is me calling other people on their BS, which they think is unfair. I don't think there is much I can do about this, I am going to call people out and talk to them about it if I disagree with them. I work stuff out by talking about it, both to figure out what I'm thinking and what I want, and to actually resolve issues. And I don't say things when you aren't around that I don't say to your face, because I think it's tacky. If I call you on stuff, it doesn't mean I don't like you, or that I am a hypocrite. If you think something I'm doing or saying is BS, please, please, call me on it.
3) If I am offending you personally, please let me know when I am saying something that bothers you. I want to stop that. But I don't know if when I'm making a joke, you say nothing because it doesn't bother you, or because you are afraid to call me on it. If you tell me, I can stop saying whatever it was. Otherwise I don't know that it is a problem.
In summation, it is easier to just deal with it when issues come up. Please, if you have problems, lets just sort it out now rather than waiting until it piles up any further. There isn't enough time before graduation (or even in my life) for this nonsense. I don't like passive-aggressive BS where everyone pretends its ok, but things are fucked up. I realize that some of you might be comfortable with that, and it might be selfish for me to try to move it to direct resolution, because I might be more comfortable with that than other people. But I legitimately believe that is the best and possibly only way to solve things. Feel free to try to convince me otherwise. I have issues, but fragility is not one of them. I will not break if you tell be I'm being loud and annoying, or that you don't like when I do x other thing.
Hugs and kisses,
Felicia
PS Commencement is Wednesday, which means that Freshmen officially become Sophmores etc. Thus, in 3 days, the gold star system will change as follows: you may earn gold stars by doing things which 1) are excellent and 2) you might not normally do. Note: 1 is crucial. You might not normally kill someone, but doing so will not earn you a star. Probably. I will try to carry the stars around, so when you earn one, you can recieve it right away.
/> email
Other than dealing with drama, I am mostly trying to deal with mountains of schoolwork. This week: 2 presentations. Next week: a paper, a portfolio, and a final, also DJing the Farm Rave. Week after that: a paper and a final. Week after that, graduation, and collapse. Also, I must clean my room, pack etc before graduation.
Not to mention the large chunks of my life that are being eaten by the indoor Tarot Card monkey show.
I'm also trying to make more art. Friday I started a painting I've been planning for a while, and a necklace I've been planning longer (buttons!). I also started a new art journal.
Also, I love the heat, but this is getting absurd. 93 degrees on Tuesday? Really? I'm running out of clothes that are decent enough to wear in public, and cool enough not to melt.
Leaving Ferry after the Yoshitoshi show Friday night, I had the distinct realization of what Matt Wise must feel like all the time. I am not at all a sweaty person, but 2 1/2 hours of hardcore dancing in 85 degree heat makes you a sweaty person. Ew.

No I will not play cotton eyed joe.

Note: This post written last Sunday night.
I had an odd weekend. Elias came on Friday. He and I hung out some, did the monkey thing, and then went on a quest for an epic night. We found it. It started with lying over the bridge at the lake so the reflection looks right side up and the real world looks like a reflection, and I felt we'd fallen into a parallel universe. If that was true, the rest of the night made good sense. If not, well, I hallucinated it or something. Went to bed around 9am on the futon in the TH.
Got up at 1 and went back to my house, slept til 7, ate and went to spin at the bonfire. Then I rushed home for my stuff and went to play the Masquerave. It was fine, my computer was being glitchy and odd (kept cutting the sound), but whatever. The Masquerave was very empty. I was asked to play cotton eyed joe, which was just weird. As always, I cannot get dressed up in a corset, black satin elbow gloves, and a top hat, and not want to make out with someone. But as there was no one appropriate/acceptable at the party, I restrained myself admirably.
Today, I ran errands and lay on Sunset hill reading, then went to work and continued reading, and basically did nothing productive all day. I have so much work. I'm totally screwed.

Circus

For the Spring Fire Show Finale, we're using Circus (yeah, I know it's Britney. Bite me). Anyway, I've been reworking the original and the Diplo mix (better drum loops, breakdown, etc) into something we can use. I think I'm good with the way that it sounds, but there are a coupel spots where I'm not sure if its I've been listening too long, it sounds fine when there is a huge problem or I've been listening too long, it sounds slightly off when there is no problem.
Also, I still can't sleep so, yeah, fuck if I know if it sounds right. And oh god, as I'm listening, now I hear (having taken an hour or so off from it) several places that sound awful... fuck me, I've already sent it off to Matt and Christopher and Connor and Stacey. Maybe they'll be kind. Ha. I don't have the energy to reopen live and fight it more tonight.
https://vspace.vassar.edu/feminchin/public/
Let me know what you think?

In which there is too much to do

Oh god... today, 2 classes, which were boring and I couldn't focus, but actually participated well and got shit done, then race to work, also boring, where I had to race home and then back so I could remix a song for the poi act.. it sounded crappy, we scrapped it. Then an unproductive meeting for the fans/double staff section of the mixed toy act, followed by a race to an unproductive meeting of the poi act. Twat chat, and a shower, wrote my part of the mixed toy act and sent it out... Now bed. Yay sleep.