Process Story

In politics, the last thing you want is for the press to write a process story. You want them to write about the issue, not about how the government is working.
But I like process, it fascinates me.
I always want to know what people are thinking. how they're doing stuff, and why.
So my art process is all about stopping that.
Stop thinking, just do.
I try to stop worrying about how each piece is going to end up, and focus on making it.
And if I don't think about what I'm doing, that is, I shut off the nasty voice inside my head that paralyzes me with a thousand questions (what is this piece going to say about me? how will it make the viewer feel? what does it mean? will anyone like it? is it worth doing?). Sometimes then I make art that is "good" whatever that means. Mostly I tell myself that all that "good" means is that I like it, either because its beautiful, or it makes me feel something or it effectively communicates my point of view. But I still don't know if anyone else will feel that way, and the only way I can know that is to show it to other people. Which is terrifying.
I have to get over that. I tell myself that if just one person buys just one piece of my art, then it'll feel better. I won't have to be afraid anymore. But I'm sure that that isn't true, that no matter how many other people like my art, or even buy it, I'll still be afraid that every piece isn't good enough. In fact it'll only add more pressure. Because every piece is a risk, each time I make art I am putting myself out there, letting people into my brain, and if they don't like it, then I must not be any good, and I should stop now.
Which is why I don't try to sell my art. But that's silly.
Everyone doesn't have to like your art for it to be worthwhile. And as long as I learned something, or enjoyed making it, or like the result, then it is "good", and I should keep doing it.
And you should too. When did we decide that all that mattered was results, measured solely in other people's opinions and willingness to spend money? What messed up cultural idea made us think that was how we should measure the "value" of our art, and of ourselves?
I refuse to play that game anymore. I will create what I want to create, and I will try to sell it. And maybe someone will like it too, and buy some. And maybe they won't. But how can I know unless I try?