I can has not plague?

LolFelicia is dying. I have a temp of 102 (after tylenol) and I'm dizzy and kinda faint. Also, I just learned that attempts to walk up stars will be met with vomit. I hate my life. I am too headachy to read, and I slept all day, so while I'm exhausted, I'm not sleepy. I'm also freezing. I have finally admitted that I am in fact sick, and will now commence several days of lying in bed and drinking copious amounts of water and tea.
I can't even take any real drugs, and I have finished the tylenol. Also, the culprit has been located: apparently, the plague started with my grandma. So it's not even someone I can be annoyed with.
In other news, my new boss called while I was napping and woke me. I then carefully scheduled my first day at work while I am supposed to be in the city for a stroke deposition. Assuming I haven't expired in the next 6 days. Fml.

Saints V Colts

If only people came with rules like football. I want 6 time outs per game, clearly defined rules and a ref to assign penalties. "Illegal self-absorption. Replay 1st Date" "Purposeful obfuscation. 15 yd penalty". And it's def time for someone else to take the field, I'm tired of playing both ways all the time. I mean, seriously, why must I be defense, offense, and special teams.
In other, less sports metaphorical news, MY LAPTOP IS BACK. Hopefully, I'll have something real to post in the next day or 2. Until then, I'll leave you on standby while I try to sort out the fact that every man in my life is being stupid at the same time.
(Kyle suggests I switch teams, and try for women, my response: "Women are even crazier than men, which is why I don't date them anymore". Sad, but accurate. Most of my gender is populated by people who can't be straightforward. FML.)