Enough is enough

Ok, look. I love Snape. I think he's hilarious and awesome, and frankly, Alan Rickman could read the telephone book and make it sexy. But some people are taking this shit a bit too far, this was on today's texts from last night:
(201): My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Unlike the girl a few weeks ago getting tattooed with the Boondock Saints' prayer, this is just sad. No awesomeness. 1st off, the saints' prayer is awesome in and of itself, (So we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be - a thousand times better than hail Mary full of grace) and secondly, it does not say you are property of a fictional character. Unlike books, people are not property. I get the reference. It's not like I don't understand. Unfortunately, this is one of those things where the more you get it, the more pathetic your tattoo becomes. Well, I suppose, there's a moment of improvement when someone realizes that the half-blood prince is Snape and not Potter, but many people won't even get that far. So you're getting a tramp stamp which announces you as property of a fictional character and where many people will incorrectly assume said character is an annoying 17 yr old emo boy. One day, when you are 50 (actually, probably long before then) you will massively regret this.

Conversations with God

This weekend, there is a play called Conversations with God, a series of mono- and dio-logs people wrote. If I wrote a conversation with God, it would go something like this.
"I don't believe in you. Yeah, I know there is a House discussion about the impossibility of being mad at and not believing in at the same time, and its true. but i don't believe in a personified single infinite power watching people. deism (clockmaker), or a cosmic force, maybe. But God, as such, no. But I am mad at you. There is no one else to be mad at. Myself a bit. The stupidity of people in general.
But seriously, Why? What exactly did I do? Or not do, as the case may be? I do all the things expected of me and many more besides. I try to be nice, to make everyone happy. I try to be honest. Neither of those is an intrinsic trait, but I am really trying to be a good person. Is it really too much to expect one small break somewhere. I want lots of things, could I please have at least one of them? So many of the people I know have all of them. What exactly did I do in a previous life to deserve this? must have been freaking terrible, and I apologize.
I am committed and organized and friendly, and yet 2 fucking votes? Why does no one understand the amount of time and effort I dedicate? What do I have to do for a tiny bit of recognition?
I try to take care of my health, see doctors, follow their instructions, but wait, no, your life is going too well, have a stroke. It fucks up every aspect of my life, physical, emotional and mental; I fight to recover to get better as much as possible, but again, no, here, have some serious depression.
So basically, lets look at all the things I could use for support - Family. Mom, Grandma and Grandpa can't understand the depression or my changed focus. Mom is happy I'm not grand monkey. Mike doesn't care, he loves me but he's useless. D is a jerk, Dad is absent. Friends. Sasha, Adin and Matt are graduating. Jacquie is always busy with church and Uganda, Ashlyn's in France. School. I have tons of work, but I don't care about it, and its really difficult to do because of the stroke. Activities. The Monkeys are obviously not going to support me, I'm at a skill impasse and we have no upcoming shows to focus on. I have no time for art. And thats all there is in my life.
Basically, I keep trying to get up, but I just end up getting kicked over and over.
If i just lie here on the floor for a while, will someone show up to lend a hand, or will the kicker get bored and wander off?
I doubt it, with my luck, I'll just get trampled by a stampede or something.
I really don't think I deserve this, would it really be the end of the world o let me have a boyfriend or some functional neural paths or a body that didn't hurt or coordination or rhythm or the will to stop biting my nails or to lose weight or some self-confidence or could I just be happy with how my life is, appreciate the good stuff and stop dwelling on the bad shit?
Why exactly would that be so hard?
What the fuck should I be doing differently? Or could I at least believe in you enough to think there was a cosmic reason why I should be fucked up in about 15 ways and be so miserable all the time, that it would have some important part in a plan for the world. But I don't, so I'm talking to myself, whining about my problems, which isn't going to solve them.
Seriously, God. One little break, maybe?
I'm running out of energy. I can't keep doing this. I can't drag myself out of bed and face this every day. I don't know what you want from me. I don't know how to be happy. I don't know anything worth knowing, and I certainly don't know how to find out.
I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore."
Sorry about the lengthy rant, I'm just really not in a good place, and I have to do a ton of research now.