across the universe

just saw across the universe and oh my god... if you haven't seen it, you must. right away. if you have seen it, perhaps you can help me. I have no idea how i am feeling right now. so intense. both fabulous and terrible. Did other people have this or is it just me? I know Jove was insistent that I see it, but he didn't say why. As an artist it was both visually and emotionally almost to intense to endure. I have been feeling really weird the last week or so to begin with, the movie just compounded and shifted it. I've been alternating between almost manic and massively depressed in seconds.
On Monday night I had a breakdown, and a big fight with my mom because I have no motivation to do my schoolwork, and when i think about it, about "productive" shit I need to do, all i want to do is crawl into bed and sleep for eternity. But she thinks it's important and that i need to just suck it up and do my damn work. but i think this is so far from what i am supposed to do and such a useless waste of my time. Anyway, I was really depressed and pissed off, so i cried hysterically for a couple of hours, and then it was 4am and i was surrounded by art, and i went to sleep. i tried to get some more good art work done Tuesday, and didn't go to any of my classes. Wednesday I went back to going through the motions and trying to get the things i "should" do done. And thats about where I've been all week. If I just make it through the next month, hopefully, the summer will be good, and despite the Spanish classes, i might be able to get some art and circus stuff done, and then after next year (assuming I survive to then) I can take some time, figure out if I can support myself with art and what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Right now, I feel like I'm going to cry but at the same time i have this euphoric feeling that anything is completely possible.
In the movie, there is a fabulous sequence where Jude (the lead is an artist) has a breakthrough and goes from frustrated trying to draw an apple to pinning strawberries to canvasses and hurling them at each other so they explode onto the canvas in a peculiar way, i don't know how to describe it to a non-artist, if you don't experience it, i can't explain it. its very... intense and complex and right. Time disappears and then its been six hours and you're sort of foggy and surrounded by 15 pieces in various stages, all of which were totally unplanned and are far better than anything you've ever done on purpose. inspiration.