I've been feeling very weird since last night. Sort of depressed and isolated. I guess it would be weird if I wasn't depressed, but I feel all this external pressure to pretend, to be social and productive and happy, but all I want to do is lock myself in my room, and paint and sleep. I had an idea for a painting, plus I figured out what I want to do on the one I have in progress right now, but I don't even have time to clean my room enough to find my desk, much less to do any art on said desk. I feel so lousy, but I can't give in, much as I might want to. One of my friends said something the other day about not believing in mental illness. I disagree, but I get where he was coming from. I am incredibly depressed, and it is both physically and mentally a huge struggle to do anything. But the fact is, I know that I will keep doing all I need to do because that part of me is just stronger. I'm not sure how much longer it will be though, and that scares me because then I'll become my father and become an unproductive hermit. I keep telling myself, its only a week. 3 more papers and a final. you can do this. There isn't really any other choice. And when people ask me, I keep saying that I'm fine, that its all under control. If I say it enough, convince enough other people, it'll be true. I'm fine. I'm going to nap for an hour and then do 3 hours of work, an then go to my meeting.