Other people's lives

seem more interesting cause they ain't mine
Its a Modest Mouse week...
Hot chocolate and thousands of boring readings.
3 Midterms in 2 days.

Walking at night, my fingers feel warm, my lips feel cold. When I touch my hand to my mouth, the opposite is true, and my fingers are like ice. I exhale giant smoke plumes as I traverse the greens of the golf course. Cold as it is, shoes would keep me from feeling the varied textures of the different lengths of grass. Some nights I give in and wear my slippers, wrap myself in a sweater rather than suffer the cold. The problem with this is that it eliminates my need to return home. I could walk into the night forever, fade and meld into it. It would never be morning, and the fields would roll forever, short grass, no people, no lights, no buildings.
Some nights I want to, others I'm afraid to. I know I'll never be able to take it back- I'll fade into nothing, and it won't matter. As if I never existed.
Sometimes I wonder- what would my life be like if this had never happened? If I hadn't has the stroke, joined the monkeys, fought with Kate, started to draw, anything? Hard as that is to wonder and imagine, the next obvious question is harder. What would the world be like without me.... and the depressing, honest truth is, in all ways, large and small, the same. Sure a few people would miss me if I vanished tomorrow.
Its good that I am a responsible person, or I'd pack up and vanish. Or not pack up, just vanish.

Elias, Stacey and I had an interesting discussion on the afterlife last week...
"I always say I'll sleep when I'm dead, but really we'll just party." -Me
"The devil is the top of the Christmas Tree in hell"- Stacey
... This discussion was prompted by Bill Maher talking about his new movie religulous on the daily show, saying "Is the devil the boss of the anti-christ? or is it the other way round? Or is it like the Joker and the Riddler, both bad guys but no affiliation?" Or something like that anyway.

I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.
- Rita Mae Brown