I'm 22! My birthday was Monday. Unsurprisingly, I was stressed and tired and emo and ran out of family birthday dinner crying. That happy birthday shit is a giant lie. Like the cake. No actually, my birthday cake did turn out to be a lie. Twice. Long story.
I'm having a party on Saturday night, which I have no idea how many people are attending. Also, I must talk to my housemates about it.
Monkey madness continues, with at least 2 rehearsals a day this week. nothing I'm in is ready, and acts are due Sunday. Yeah.
Happily the Masquerave has been moved and will no loner be the same night as the fire show. Hallelujah.
My art is coming along. I finished the painting I was working on, it looks awesome, even if the pictures I took of it don't. I can't post them now, because I have to go to Women in Antiquity. I skipped Ballet this morning, tired and headachey and not wearing tights today. It just wasn't happening.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
In which there is too much to do
Oh god... today, 2 classes, which were boring and I couldn't focus, but actually participated well and got shit done, then race to work, also boring, where I had to race home and then back so I could remix a song for the poi act.. it sounded crappy, we scrapped it. Then an unproductive meeting for the fans/double staff section of the mixed toy act, followed by a race to an unproductive meeting of the poi act. Twat chat, and a shower, wrote my part of the mixed toy act and sent it out... Now bed. Yay sleep.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Good art = Happy Felicia
Sometimes, it just all work. I don't know what else to say. I was tired and had no plan to paint, but I spent an hour on it. First I did what I'd been planning, that looked fine, then I added some more stuff, looked fine too. Then I didn't feel like stopping, even though the plan required this layer to dry before I added the next. So I added more, which was ok... and then I ruined it. I was very very upset, as I'd really liked the piece and invested several hours and quite a bit of materials on it. So I thought, fuck it, I should go to bed, and I'll cope with it later, but instead I kept adding and smushing and now, it is wonderful. So much acrylic and gel medium and magazines and tissue paper and cigarettes, and layers and colors and texture and I'm so happy. Ok so clearly then it is bed time, right, but no. I turn to get into bed and see my new bag of Dr Ph Martin Bombay India Inks... hmm... those might be interesting.... so I splattered some of those on top. I don't know how well those will dry over acrylic or how well they'll hold up under the next layer, but right now it looks amazing. But I can't be bothered for a camera hunt. Eventually, there will be pictures. I swear.
In other news, this is further proof I can only make art while depressed. Hmm... I wonder if having just finished my color theory hw made it better? Very precise cutting and measuring and gluing bares little relation to this piece, but I had already spent an hour making art, using that portion of my brain....
I'm planning an ink and watercolor piece of "real" me (actual appearance) and "shadow" me (how I think I should look in my head/would look in the matrix) reversed so the shadow is standing and the real me spreads along the floor. the problem in with the perspective and compensating for the distortion you normally have with shadows. Also, my poor realism skills.
In other news, this is further proof I can only make art while depressed. Hmm... I wonder if having just finished my color theory hw made it better? Very precise cutting and measuring and gluing bares little relation to this piece, but I had already spent an hour making art, using that portion of my brain....
I'm planning an ink and watercolor piece of "real" me (actual appearance) and "shadow" me (how I think I should look in my head/would look in the matrix) reversed so the shadow is standing and the real me spreads along the floor. the problem in with the perspective and compensating for the distortion you normally have with shadows. Also, my poor realism skills.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
i'm so sane, its driving me crazy
no really
http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=864#more-864
on another note, after serious snowboarding adventures, i can report that:
Improvement has been made.
Everything hurts.
I still really need better gloves.
http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=864#more-864
on another note, after serious snowboarding adventures, i can report that:
Improvement has been made.
Everything hurts.
I still really need better gloves.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I had a realization
After the stroke, the first few months were all about making it not matter- going back to everything that made me me, doing the things I used to do and doing them just as well.
But while a few of those things made me happy, many of them did not. I think I knew that before the stroke, which is why, upon coming to college, I changed much of the focus of my life (I continued to be deeply involved in a few things, but they were different, circus rather than politics for example).
Even those changes didn't solve the problem, but they did allow me to put it off for a while. Now, I realize that its still there.
Since the stroke, I've been uninterested, mostly just slogging through with the minimum possible amount of work to make it to graduation. One of the nice things this semester is that I'm actually interested in my classes, and not spending the last 1/2 staring at my watch thinking "hurry up and let me leave".
Today in behavioral Econ we did a thought experiment about discounting and wages where you got hired for about $40,000 a year. On the one hand, that sounds like nothing. Not enough to have a decent standard of living. But that's because I'm used to life in an NYC suburb. Most places, rent on an ok apartment is more like $600 a month than $2000 a month (even if you rent without a room mate), and food is about $350, so $40,000 a year works out to almost $3500 a month- enough to live on, certainly, and have some spending money.
Which gives me hope. It must be possible for me to get a decent job after graduation that will pay me enough to live on so that I can have some time to do what makes me happy: make art, do circus, watch movies, hang out with friends. And then I can figure out the next step towards a life where I love my work, have a support system, and enought money/time for leasure activities after that.
Which reminds me, oh god I have to talk to the CDO and start sending out my resume. now I'm depressed again. Graduation is both exciting and terrifying.
But while a few of those things made me happy, many of them did not. I think I knew that before the stroke, which is why, upon coming to college, I changed much of the focus of my life (I continued to be deeply involved in a few things, but they were different, circus rather than politics for example).
Even those changes didn't solve the problem, but they did allow me to put it off for a while. Now, I realize that its still there.
Since the stroke, I've been uninterested, mostly just slogging through with the minimum possible amount of work to make it to graduation. One of the nice things this semester is that I'm actually interested in my classes, and not spending the last 1/2 staring at my watch thinking "hurry up and let me leave".
Today in behavioral Econ we did a thought experiment about discounting and wages where you got hired for about $40,000 a year. On the one hand, that sounds like nothing. Not enough to have a decent standard of living. But that's because I'm used to life in an NYC suburb. Most places, rent on an ok apartment is more like $600 a month than $2000 a month (even if you rent without a room mate), and food is about $350, so $40,000 a year works out to almost $3500 a month- enough to live on, certainly, and have some spending money.
Which gives me hope. It must be possible for me to get a decent job after graduation that will pay me enough to live on so that I can have some time to do what makes me happy: make art, do circus, watch movies, hang out with friends. And then I can figure out the next step towards a life where I love my work, have a support system, and enought money/time for leasure activities after that.
Which reminds me, oh god I have to talk to the CDO and start sending out my resume. now I'm depressed again. Graduation is both exciting and terrifying.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Goofy and sore
Super busy weekend AHHH!
Friday- Thrift store (fail), race to monkeys, speed fire, fastest attempt to get 3 women drunk and dressed up ever (found Friedman), sound check, Shiva Rave! My set was ok... the 1st half kinda sucked, then I found my stride and got rocking, only to be told far too soon that it was Connor and Christopher's turn, so I should stop. Then we went back to my house for another drink, danced a bit (not enough), returned the speakers and went to the Acrop where I finally got dinner. It was good, not as good as the fall, but awesome none the less.
Saturday- Not enough sleep. Chilled with Friedman. Tried to repaint the Shiva black, but all the rollers were dead. VT football instead. Then Friedman and I got dinner. Fire, at which I was too cold and tired to spin. Also, I learned on Friday that I don't like spinning in deep snow. My toes are cold and my balance is off, and when I try to move I end up tripping/sliding so my flow gets ruined because I have to remain rooted on the ground. Then I went home, was amused by best of creigslist and passive agressive notes, and went to bed.
Today- up at 6 am for a Snowboard trip. Stacey is a really good teacher and I made lots of progress. ie I suck less now. Here is what I learned: 1) I must board goofy (right foot front) or t all goes to hell. 2) Toe turns, better heel turns, and how to do both intentionally. 3)How to stop (mostly) and how to get up without doing the stupid flip onto your belly like a whale bit. 4) How to ride the chair lift, often without falling over on the way off. 5) That the bit where you eat it -ie crash, sucks, but not as bad as expected. The first time I had a major fall, about an hour in, I "caught edge" - too much snow in front of the lip of the board, and you flip, in my case backwards and my head goes boing boing boing. Stacey was all "Are you ok?!" I gave her a thumbs up, lay there a second and then made it to the bottom of the run. She was very impressed. Apparently, she'd been thinking that either I'd be like 'Ouch. Done for the day' or I'd man up. I maned up. As long as nothings broken, I figure its like a horse. You lay there until you remember how to breathe, then you get up, get back on, and go again. Otherwise, by the time you're ready to try again, the fear will be much worse than the fall. 6) I have adrenaline. I like it. I was going down the run, feeling great, finally realized why this sport is awesome, then I had too much speed, not enough control, and literally flipped. I swear, if I'd put my hands down, I could've done a cartwheel. I flipped completely over myself. Anyway, after, I kind of wanted to do it again. I lived, and it was awesome. Before the stroke, I'd've been terrified, but now, well, its about having fun. And It didn't end badly, which means it was awesome. 7) Mom was right. The helmet is crucial. 8) I need better equipment. Ie snow pants with pockets and long enough to cover the boot tops, more waterproof gloves (preferably which don't let the snow in my wrists) and goggles. Definitely goggles.
Now I've come to work and done my reading for tomorrow. I need dinner, a hot shower and bed and lots of icy hot. Lots of icy hot. My feet, calves, neck and abs all always hurt post Shiva. Feet, back, hips, butt, calves, thighs, shoulders and neck got further abused today. Everything will be sore in the morning.
Friday- Thrift store (fail), race to monkeys, speed fire, fastest attempt to get 3 women drunk and dressed up ever (found Friedman), sound check, Shiva Rave! My set was ok... the 1st half kinda sucked, then I found my stride and got rocking, only to be told far too soon that it was Connor and Christopher's turn, so I should stop. Then we went back to my house for another drink, danced a bit (not enough), returned the speakers and went to the Acrop where I finally got dinner. It was good, not as good as the fall, but awesome none the less.
Saturday- Not enough sleep. Chilled with Friedman. Tried to repaint the Shiva black, but all the rollers were dead. VT football instead. Then Friedman and I got dinner. Fire, at which I was too cold and tired to spin. Also, I learned on Friday that I don't like spinning in deep snow. My toes are cold and my balance is off, and when I try to move I end up tripping/sliding so my flow gets ruined because I have to remain rooted on the ground. Then I went home, was amused by best of creigslist and passive agressive notes, and went to bed.
Today- up at 6 am for a Snowboard trip. Stacey is a really good teacher and I made lots of progress. ie I suck less now. Here is what I learned: 1) I must board goofy (right foot front) or t all goes to hell. 2) Toe turns, better heel turns, and how to do both intentionally. 3)How to stop (mostly) and how to get up without doing the stupid flip onto your belly like a whale bit. 4) How to ride the chair lift, often without falling over on the way off. 5) That the bit where you eat it -ie crash, sucks, but not as bad as expected. The first time I had a major fall, about an hour in, I "caught edge" - too much snow in front of the lip of the board, and you flip, in my case backwards and my head goes boing boing boing. Stacey was all "Are you ok?!" I gave her a thumbs up, lay there a second and then made it to the bottom of the run. She was very impressed. Apparently, she'd been thinking that either I'd be like 'Ouch. Done for the day' or I'd man up. I maned up. As long as nothings broken, I figure its like a horse. You lay there until you remember how to breathe, then you get up, get back on, and go again. Otherwise, by the time you're ready to try again, the fear will be much worse than the fall. 6) I have adrenaline. I like it. I was going down the run, feeling great, finally realized why this sport is awesome, then I had too much speed, not enough control, and literally flipped. I swear, if I'd put my hands down, I could've done a cartwheel. I flipped completely over myself. Anyway, after, I kind of wanted to do it again. I lived, and it was awesome. Before the stroke, I'd've been terrified, but now, well, its about having fun. And It didn't end badly, which means it was awesome. 7) Mom was right. The helmet is crucial. 8) I need better equipment. Ie snow pants with pockets and long enough to cover the boot tops, more waterproof gloves (preferably which don't let the snow in my wrists) and goggles. Definitely goggles.
Now I've come to work and done my reading for tomorrow. I need dinner, a hot shower and bed and lots of icy hot. Lots of icy hot. My feet, calves, neck and abs all always hurt post Shiva. Feet, back, hips, butt, calves, thighs, shoulders and neck got further abused today. Everything will be sore in the morning.
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