I've been mulling that, because while my response was that I don't keep secrets, and I tell everyone everything, or everything I know and therefore can tell, that was true but somehow inaccurate?
Anyway, today I realized that by telling people everything, I am saying I don't want to play power games. "Here, look, now you know. And so does everyone else" thus, no secrets. No power. And this bothers them, but they won't admit it. Which gives me power. Which is passive-aggressive. Except that I'm not doing it to get power- I just think if we didn't have to lie and hide things, we'd all be happier and more secure in our relationships. And like all of my other decent-human initiatives, I am trying to lead by example and succeeding only in making everyone else pissed off, and myself miserable. Fmylife.
On a less somber note, Friedman and I had a discussion of secrets today.
David: !
infernally delicious cupcakes!
sooooooo you may have to come in my car and bring your cupcakes
your delicious delicious cupcakes
and you may or may not have cupcakes upon arrival
me: I don't know if they're delicious. I have been virtuous and not eaten them, merely decorated. for hours
David: i don't understand
how do you not eat cupcakes?
also, what is this 'virtue' you speak of?
me: well, i mostly do it by eating something super filling before I start decorating. with a taste that wouldn't combine well with cupcake
David: wow
that is incredibly smart
me: and then when I think cupcake! Nom time! I remember, but there are exactly enough to make an even number of each design, and I'm full of eggs, and my mouth tastes like eggs...
me: and then when I think cupcake! Nom time! I remember, but there are exactly enough to make an even number of each design, and I'm full of eggs, and my mouth tastes like eggs...
I am a genius
David: lol
me: and remember that on Saturday, I'm planning to run around manhattan in a skin-tight outfit, and that I'm already sort of a giant fatty
David: this is why the things i cook never last more than 30-45 minutes
oh right
estrogen
that's your secret
that, and society's backhand to feminine self-esteem
i'm so less confused now
me: I really don't think that it is secret that 1) i have estrogen or 2) society is hell on the self-esteem of those who have estrogen
David: it's secret because it didn't occur to me before i asked.
shh.
me: ok maybe the secret is that you are a fatty with no self-control
David: 1) not a secret
David: 1) not a secret
to either of us
2) not a problem, either
me: because you lack estrogen?
David: well
yes
actually
me: or because your costume allows for pants?
David: also, gambit wears a not-narrowly-tailored full-length coat
oh, and pants
And then a segue into costumes, followed by an even more amusing conversation about how next year we should go as "twisted" product mascots - Tony the Tigger (like winnie the pooh) Toucan uncle sam Pillsbury "dough" boy (made of $$$), sit-stay puffed marshmellow man (dressed as a dog), Ulysses S Grant Jemima etc.
And then a segue into costumes, followed by an even more amusing conversation about how next year we should go as "twisted" product mascots - Tony the Tigger (like winnie the pooh) Toucan uncle sam Pillsbury "dough" boy (made of $$$), sit-stay puffed marshmellow man (dressed as a dog), Ulysses S Grant Jemima etc.
1 comment:
Secrets are _a_ source of power, but certainly not _the only_ source of power. And as far as power goes, secrets are one of the easiest forces to defuse.
It's an easy, rational calculation: Is the requirement of keeping the secret more costly than the revelation of the secret?
If yes, do what you must to keep the secret. If not, let it go. The only real twist is that over time the requirement to keep the secret builds, whereas the cost of the revelation usually doesn't. Hence, it's usually better to just open up.
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