Sometimes it worries me. Really, itunes, you shouldn't know me this well. Someone somewhere is watching me, and sending me the perfect album for my current state of mind. And this is it. Seriously, I highly recommend getting this. Even if they do use Pachabel's Canon in D aka the damn 4 chords you can't escape. Alot. Fine, it's not the most brilliant pop music ever (and the fact that itunes says its electronica is more or less a huge lie. using a synth does not autmatically make it electronic). But its highly enjoyable. And how can you go wrong with lyrics like these?
I wish I could cross my arms, and cross your mind
Cause I believe you'd unfold your paper heart and wear it on your sleeve
All my life I wish I broke mirrors, instead of promises
Cause all I see, is a shattered conscience staring right back at me
I wish I had covered all my tracks completely cause I'm so afraid
Is that the light at the far end of the tunnel or just the train?
Lift your arms only heaven knows, where the danger grows
And it's safe to say there's a bright light up ahead and help is on the way
(Help is on the way, Help is on the way, Help is on the way...)
Help is on the way
I forget the last time I felt brave, I just recall insecurity
Cause it came down like a tidal wave, and sorrow swept over me
Depression, please cut to the chase and cut a long story short
Oh please be done. How much longer can this drama afford to run?
Fate looks sharp, severs all my ties and breaks whatever doesn't bend
But sadly then, all my heavy hopes just pull me back down again
(Back down again, back down again, back down again...)
I forget the last time I felt brave, I just recall insecurity
Cause it came down like a tidal wave, and sorrow swept over me
Then I was given grace and love, I was blind but now I can see
Cause I found a new hope from above, and courage swept over me
It hurts just to wake up, whenever you're wearing thin
Alone on the outside, so tired of looking in
The end is uncertain and I've never been so afraid
But I don't need a telescope to see that there's hope
And that makes me feel brave
Also, the new DJ Hero game. I saw the ad today for the first time. And I am saddened by the whole concept. It tells you what to do and when to do it? Yes, I understand that thats how Guitar Hero works, but when you play an instrument, you usually play the song as its written, at least at the beginning. If I wanted to play the song the way they wrote it, I'd hit play in itunes and walk away. Or if I wanted to play a straight-up remix, I'd do that. Yes, I understand this is not the point. But I find the whole idea of a DJ game where my goal is to follow instructions somewhat offensive. As far as I'm concerned, the whole idea of DJing is to respond to the crowd and get them to respond to you. I reaslize the game has no way to simulate that. Do you know what I could do with that $200? Much less the $200 for the system I'd need? I could practically buy Live 8! Or a really sweet mixer. Or speakers. And thats just DJ equipment. $400 is a hell of a lot of art supplies. Or even fire toys. And those are expensive.
Anyway: Owl City = Good. DJ Hero < Good. Crazy friends ? Good
Showing posts with label Drama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Drama. Show all posts
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Halloween and other insanity
It has been a truly crazy weekend.
Friday was mostly spent trying to cope with Drama that came up out of nowhere and sucker-punched me. After hours of trying to respond like a rational person, I finally sent the people who had sprung the drama (which bore no relation to my life or even people I am friends with, and came with ultimatums- do this or we will not be friends with you, but all these other people we'll stay friends with no matter what because they're important), an email saying that I couldn't hear from them for a while if they couldn't treat me like our relationships and my feelings matter. And after 6 hours of that, I spent about 3 cranking out a highly mediocre and shoddily made Rouge costume. And one of the friends who instigated the drama replied to say how sorry she was to have upset me. So she's now off the shit list.
Saturday- Went into the city with my friends (quite a few people correctly identified all of us, even Jove who was Sebastian Shaw - an excellent costume for a highly unknown character). There was much carousing and marching through the rain in the parade, which was amazing. We rejoined our dry and lame friends at the bar, which was super crowded, and decided to relocate. Then we were delayed because my epileptic friend had too much to drink and had a seizure- so we waited for an hour for the ambulance. Then tried another chiller bar for about an hour or so, before heading back to Jove's to watch Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy an awful "horror" movie dub we desperately hoped would become porn but never did. Truly, an hour and 15 minutes of my life I can never have back. Crashed on the bean-bag couch - which is amazingly comfortable- for the not-most-comfy night of sleep ever between Friedman and George because Allie stole my spot in the bed.
Sunday, today, we had a lazy day -donuts, then hours of youtube clips and a seriously detour and traffic ridden trip back to New Ro, followed by dinner at Epstien's, which I thought was overpriced and not very good. But still conversation was fun, and it was a really good halloween once the I decided to tell the drama to fuck off. Unfortunately, this evening I returned home to an email - completely not about me, but rather about how all women have screwed men emotionally, and how that relate's to second drama-inducer's relationship with another girl who I don't care about. Intro'd with: "This is what I've been working on, and why I've been treating you and everyone with neglect. " Nothing else to me. I'm really sorry I even read it, that alone should have been enough to let me know it was not an email that would in any way consider my emotions or address anything I had said to him. So fuck him. I am not responding. As I said, I will not communicate until he indicates that he cares about me even a tiny bit. And now, after a lovely Halloween, I am depressed and pissed off. Again. So, bed is my next plan. Sleep. Yes please. God, I'm tired.
Friday was mostly spent trying to cope with Drama that came up out of nowhere and sucker-punched me. After hours of trying to respond like a rational person, I finally sent the people who had sprung the drama (which bore no relation to my life or even people I am friends with, and came with ultimatums- do this or we will not be friends with you, but all these other people we'll stay friends with no matter what because they're important), an email saying that I couldn't hear from them for a while if they couldn't treat me like our relationships and my feelings matter. And after 6 hours of that, I spent about 3 cranking out a highly mediocre and shoddily made Rouge costume. And one of the friends who instigated the drama replied to say how sorry she was to have upset me. So she's now off the shit list.
Saturday- Went into the city with my friends (quite a few people correctly identified all of us, even Jove who was Sebastian Shaw - an excellent costume for a highly unknown character). There was much carousing and marching through the rain in the parade, which was amazing. We rejoined our dry and lame friends at the bar, which was super crowded, and decided to relocate. Then we were delayed because my epileptic friend had too much to drink and had a seizure- so we waited for an hour for the ambulance. Then tried another chiller bar for about an hour or so, before heading back to Jove's to watch Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy an awful "horror" movie dub we desperately hoped would become porn but never did. Truly, an hour and 15 minutes of my life I can never have back. Crashed on the bean-bag couch - which is amazingly comfortable- for the not-most-comfy night of sleep ever between Friedman and George because Allie stole my spot in the bed.
Sunday, today, we had a lazy day -donuts, then hours of youtube clips and a seriously detour and traffic ridden trip back to New Ro, followed by dinner at Epstien's, which I thought was overpriced and not very good. But still conversation was fun, and it was a really good halloween once the I decided to tell the drama to fuck off. Unfortunately, this evening I returned home to an email - completely not about me, but rather about how all women have screwed men emotionally, and how that relate's to second drama-inducer's relationship with another girl who I don't care about. Intro'd with: "This is what I've been working on, and why I've been treating you and everyone with neglect. " Nothing else to me. I'm really sorry I even read it, that alone should have been enough to let me know it was not an email that would in any way consider my emotions or address anything I had said to him. So fuck him. I am not responding. As I said, I will not communicate until he indicates that he cares about me even a tiny bit. And now, after a lovely Halloween, I am depressed and pissed off. Again. So, bed is my next plan. Sleep. Yes please. God, I'm tired.
Monday, April 27, 2009
So the drama!
Over the last week, there has been far, far too much drama in my life. And not the kind with tech crews and auditions. And I have run out of patience for it. In the next day or so, I'll be sending out the following email to, well, more or less everyone. I realize this may make things worse, but I refuse to keep pretending everything is ok, and hopefully, direct acknowledgment of the issues may make things better. The email:
Apparently, people have a lot of issues with me. I'm running out of time/energy/stationary to send everyone personalized engraved invitations to talk to me about it, so this is a general note to everyone:
1) I know I can be a bitch. It is usually intended kindly, but much of it can be based in a desire to make other people confront stuff they aren't ready for and to move in the direction of my idea of being a better person. This may be unreasonable, and if so, I apologize.
2) One of the things that apparently people have issues with is me calling other people on their BS, which they think is unfair. I don't think there is much I can do about this, I am going to call people out and talk to them about it if I disagree with them. I work stuff out by talking about it, both to figure out what I'm thinking and what I want, and to actually resolve issues. And I don't say things when you aren't around that I don't say to your face, because I think it's tacky. If I call you on stuff, it doesn't mean I don't like you, or that I am a hypocrite. If you think something I'm doing or saying is BS, please, please, call me on it.
3) If I am offending you personally, please let me know when I am saying something that bothers you. I want to stop that. But I don't know if when I'm making a joke, you say nothing because it doesn't bother you, or because you are afraid to call me on it. If you tell me, I can stop saying whatever it was. Otherwise I don't know that it is a problem.
In summation, it is easier to just deal with it when issues come up. Please, if you have problems, lets just sort it out now rather than waiting until it piles up any further. There isn't enough time before graduation (or even in my life) for this nonsense. I don't like passive-aggressive BS where everyone pretends its ok, but things are fucked up. I realize that some of you might be comfortable with that, and it might be selfish for me to try to move it to direct resolution, because I might be more comfortable with that than other people. But I legitimately believe that is the best and possibly only way to solve things. Feel free to try to convince me otherwise. I have issues, but fragility is not one of them. I will not break if you tell be I'm being loud and annoying, or that you don't like when I do x other thing.
Hugs and kisses,
Felicia
PS Commencement is Wednesday, which means that Freshmen officially become Sophmores etc. Thus, in 3 days, the gold star system will change as follows: you may earn gold stars by doing things which 1) are excellent and 2) you might not normally do. Note: 1 is crucial. You might not normally kill someone, but doing so will not earn you a star. Probably. I will try to carry the stars around, so when you earn one, you can recieve it right away.
/> email
Other than dealing with drama, I am mostly trying to deal with mountains of schoolwork. This week: 2 presentations. Next week: a paper, a portfolio, and a final, also DJing the Farm Rave. Week after that: a paper and a final. Week after that, graduation, and collapse. Also, I must clean my room, pack etc before graduation.
Not to mention the large chunks of my life that are being eaten by the indoor Tarot Card monkey show.
I'm also trying to make more art. Friday I started a painting I've been planning for a while, and a necklace I've been planning longer (buttons!). I also started a new art journal.
Also, I love the heat, but this is getting absurd. 93 degrees on Tuesday? Really? I'm running out of clothes that are decent enough to wear in public, and cool enough not to melt.
Leaving Ferry after the Yoshitoshi show Friday night, I had the distinct realization of what Matt Wise must feel like all the time. I am not at all a sweaty person, but 2 1/2 hours of hardcore dancing in 85 degree heat makes you a sweaty person. Ew.
Apparently, people have a lot of issues with me. I'm running out of time/energy/stationary to send everyone personalized engraved invitations to talk to me about it, so this is a general note to everyone:
1) I know I can be a bitch. It is usually intended kindly, but much of it can be based in a desire to make other people confront stuff they aren't ready for and to move in the direction of my idea of being a better person. This may be unreasonable, and if so, I apologize.
2) One of the things that apparently people have issues with is me calling other people on their BS, which they think is unfair. I don't think there is much I can do about this, I am going to call people out and talk to them about it if I disagree with them. I work stuff out by talking about it, both to figure out what I'm thinking and what I want, and to actually resolve issues. And I don't say things when you aren't around that I don't say to your face, because I think it's tacky. If I call you on stuff, it doesn't mean I don't like you, or that I am a hypocrite. If you think something I'm doing or saying is BS, please, please, call me on it.
3) If I am offending you personally, please let me know when I am saying something that bothers you. I want to stop that. But I don't know if when I'm making a joke, you say nothing because it doesn't bother you, or because you are afraid to call me on it. If you tell me, I can stop saying whatever it was. Otherwise I don't know that it is a problem.
In summation, it is easier to just deal with it when issues come up. Please, if you have problems, lets just sort it out now rather than waiting until it piles up any further. There isn't enough time before graduation (or even in my life) for this nonsense. I don't like passive-aggressive BS where everyone pretends its ok, but things are fucked up. I realize that some of you might be comfortable with that, and it might be selfish for me to try to move it to direct resolution, because I might be more comfortable with that than other people. But I legitimately believe that is the best and possibly only way to solve things. Feel free to try to convince me otherwise. I have issues, but fragility is not one of them. I will not break if you tell be I'm being loud and annoying, or that you don't like when I do x other thing.
Hugs and kisses,
Felicia
PS Commencement is Wednesday, which means that Freshmen officially become Sophmores etc. Thus, in 3 days, the gold star system will change as follows: you may earn gold stars by doing things which 1) are excellent and 2) you might not normally do. Note: 1 is crucial. You might not normally kill someone, but doing so will not earn you a star. Probably. I will try to carry the stars around, so when you earn one, you can recieve it right away.
Other than dealing with drama, I am mostly trying to deal with mountains of schoolwork. This week: 2 presentations. Next week: a paper, a portfolio, and a final, also DJing the Farm Rave. Week after that: a paper and a final. Week after that, graduation, and collapse. Also, I must clean my room, pack etc before graduation.
Not to mention the large chunks of my life that are being eaten by the indoor Tarot Card monkey show.
I'm also trying to make more art. Friday I started a painting I've been planning for a while, and a necklace I've been planning longer (buttons!). I also started a new art journal.
Also, I love the heat, but this is getting absurd. 93 degrees on Tuesday? Really? I'm running out of clothes that are decent enough to wear in public, and cool enough not to melt.
Leaving Ferry after the Yoshitoshi show Friday night, I had the distinct realization of what Matt Wise must feel like all the time. I am not at all a sweaty person, but 2 1/2 hours of hardcore dancing in 85 degree heat makes you a sweaty person. Ew.
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